Shrouded in shadows
Drowned in darkness.
Seeks breath and waits for light to come
And when comes none
Hopelessness sinks in depths
Fathoms too deep to reach
and then forgotten once
then never again
"How to smile without hiding pain
How to cry without having to explain
How to speak without shaking
How to live without breaking”
Like slow flowing rivers
Building up to the rim
Overflows in silence
And if the glass breaks
Then it is heard
But no repair can come
When everything is done
In the corner of the alley
No one watches
Only the stars see
That night when the streets cry
And hope lives in the chasm
Of the unrest
the streets of this city
Credits to Joyce for one line in this poem that served as my inspiration, and the sadness that’s built up in me when 2014 started, which was leftover from 2013.
Today, I choose to let the sadness go and choose to share why, as soon as I understand myself even more.
The past few days have been difficult and I still cling to my happiness like a lifeline. Faith backs me up, and picks me up where I left myself.
Sometimes, I feel like I betray the people around me because they don’t know what’s actually happening to me, and the darkest secret that I keep. I believe only one person knows what it is (and I think she’s forgotten about it, which is good.)
I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I need help. Okay, I know what’s wrong but, I’m disappointed that I can’t bring myself to trust people to accept what I have to say.
When I pray, at night, I cry—even in my sleep— because at least, no one will see and no one will know.
There is always that comfort that if no one else understood, at least God did, and that was enough for me. But there are times that I feel like I’m lying to myself.
I want to talk to someone.
I need to talk to someone.
God is refuge for me. He’s everything, but on this very night, I pray dear Lord, that You send me an angel. Send me someone that can understand even just a little bit. That can see through me. Let me drown in Your grace, knowing you’ve sent a guiding hand and comforting embrace my way. Because I need You now more than ever, and to Your vassal I pray be blessed, for maybe I can hope I can be carried home at last. Amen.