How do you comfort someone whose situation you know so well?
I don’t and that’s what hurts me the most.
Maybe it’s because there’s this thought that you know anything you try to say will not be able to comfort or put the heart at ease. I’m too familiar with comforting words— things when heard that are already known, but aren’t exactly the things needed— but it is said anyways, because it needs to be heard, one way or another.
Sometimes, even though you know someone’s going to listen, it’s not really easy to get the words out.
It’s hard to know it’s a situation I’ve been in before and I can’t even share how I got over it. It was a time I felt completely alone. Maybe it was because everyone isolated me, but I think it was because I saw them isolating me, so I isolated myself.
Loneliness. Rejection. Denial.
The only comfort I had then was prayer.
I couldn’t tell anyone for fear of being judged. It was embarrassing because I knew there was nothing to fuss about, that I have a good life etc. etc.
But that wasn’t the point.
The point was I couldn’t see the point.
A lot of people have it harder. But it doesn’t matter how big or small the problem is— the fact that there’s a problem, means that it needed to be solved.
The battle with the self is the most difficult. I can’t even describe it.
Whenever it was hard, the immediate option was to look up and cry with the heavens as witness, to think of all the people that loved me and the people that I loved, before I was able to think of anything else.
And that love would have kept me going. And that the realization that I should and can be happy. So I choose to be.
But the road traveled was quite lonely, with only a hand from heaven as a guide, but that was enough.
To surround myself with love in its purest form was perhaps my salvation.
So, I pray dear Father that You heal all wounds, physical, emotional and mental. Humans can only do so much and victory over one’s demons seems impossible, but You make everything possible. It is Your love and promise that gives hope and healing. That with every dawn, You give us breath, in a whisper of silence You give purpose because we wake for another day. You don’t care how imperfect we are, or how dirty we are, or anything because it is You, Lord who can love us so purely and celebrate our coming home from being lost. It is You who chase us in the depths of darkness and sends us Your angels bearing light to help us see the path when we’re covered in shadows.
And that at the end of everything, it is Your loving word that says
"I love you, and I will do everything for you. I will take care of you. When you are broken I will piece you together. I will fight your demons with you, because I want you to know you can, but allow yourself to ask for help, allow yourself to seek me. When you seek me, you will find me, and I will bring you home."